Lately, I may have come across to people as though I have my head in the clouds. I mean people I have met face-to-face, friends and family because you and I know it’s very hard to tell by looking at my pictures of peonies and shoefies on Instagram and as much as I love sharing things like that with you, I wanted to talk about things we hardly talk about. The journey to self-discovery can begin or resume at any moment in our lives and we must embrace it with an open heart, walking the path with new views, changing beliefs and acceptance. Acceptance – such a general, powerful and yet positive word if you really think about it, but at the same time it’s so non-committal and at times even forceful depending on what it is we’re “trying” to accept. I used to find myself over and over again in various situations with different people or on my own questioning the processes, hows and reasons with nothing but pure hope and faith that the outcomes will be as pure as my intentions and that others will share my views. I was wrong. I realised that nobody will share my views other than those very close to me and even they too have their own “stuff” they’re trying to accept and own. You see, I let my own views and opinions go unheard and unseen for many years just because I believed that listening to others’ views was more important. There’s this fine line between selfishness and self-love and all those years I’ve been right on the line – doing everything I can not to be and appear selfish and at the same time not fully loving myself either. Right on the line – not in the middle, not in harmony and not in balance often ending up being that feared selfish bitch and at the same time forgetting to take care of myself and love myself truly in all aspects.
Humble and helping are the two qualities I’ve always valued and still do, but in order to be humble and help others we must first of all redefine what humble actually means to us and for me, I had to hop off that dangerous line and act from a place of self-care, because sadly humbleness and modesty is often seen as weakness and is taken advantage of if it’s presented too openly, unprotected (by love) like mine was. Practising humbleness can be beautiful, but also very confusing especially if we expect modesty from others in the same way we exude it. Saying yes to people without doing so in a mindful manner can be very hurting in the long run. And that’s when the intention and the natural act itself of focusing outward turns into unnecessary over-thinking, confusion and hurt if not isolation and in my case even disappointment. Disappointment in myself whilst disappointing others. I had my head in the clouds for a while to figure this out and to realise that my thinking and beliefs needed to be altered for more meaningful times ahead for myself and consequently others. I’m grateful for the unclarity and I didn’t push it away this time with more limiting beliefs and defensiveness. I paused. I let my intuition guide me and bring me to the point where I had the opportunity to let my ego go on short (very short) vacations. It really deserves more vacations and I’m working on that… “Speaking” to and listening to my intuition has probably been the most beautiful experience ever. It’s real. It’s pure. It’s me. I accept my differences and my opinions – not trying, not forcing but fully accepting and genuinely thankful for this realisation and the courage to share this with you. Things are usually a lot simpler than we think and sometimes all we really need is to pause, listen.. I’m not saying I’m all of a sudden perfect and have it all figured out or that I will never make mistakes again. On the contrary, mistakes were what brought me to this point and as someone very wise always tells me – mistakes are not our failures, mistakes are feedback and it’s what we do with this feedback that can either make us stronger or make us weaker. For sure it needs to be practiced and doesn’t always come naturally and is rarely reciprocated as others never directly experience what we do, but seeing the good in every situation is invaluable to my growth. And I’m humble enough to say it because a big part of humility is not thinking little of ourselves and being unassertive, but knowing our own limits, our strengths and weaknesses, morally or otherwise. But I’m just a soul whose intentions are good oh Lord, please don’t let me misunderstood…
PS! As strange as it sounds, but my new t-shirt from COS which I think looks very much like fluffy clouds with my new jewellery set from Lucky Eyes called “The Circle of Life” had both inspired me to open up about my “head in the clouds” moment. Don’t ignore the confusion and dig deep because it’s usually a sign that something needs assistance to be let go of in order to give new life to another something – just like the circle of life.
Big Love,
Tatyana x
WHAT I’M WEARING:
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Shoes – Call it Spring from Debenahms* (first seen here)
Jeans – ZARA, last season (try these)
Tee – COS (with thanks to Princess Square)
Bag – Rebecca Minkoff via Luisa Via Roma*
Sunglasses – Chloe (with thanks to Shade Station)
Necklace, Bracelet and Earrings – Lucky Eyes London (circle of life set)*
Rings – H&M